Your husband took it away??
Well first off all i have done comparisons my self not to long ago. They both feel about the same in your hands since they are about the same size.
In my case nikon feels better in my hands than canon. I probably had a slight preference for the D90.
It all depends what you want to do with the camera. D5100 has better movie features and movie autofocus and a better sensor so if its movies you want then D5100 is the one to go for. D90 has more hardware buttons and the extra LCD information screen on top of the camera and the D90 is therefore definity more userfriendly. No more fiddeling around in the LCD menus with the D90.
D90 is the steal of the century while D5100 has better sensor but lacks extra the buttons so is not as userfriendly in my opinion.
If you use automatic settings on the camera or scenes button or something like that i probably would go for the D5100. If you use one of the manual modes such as aparture or shutter priority mode or fully manually mode would definitely go for the D90 becuase of the extra information LCD screen on the camera.
If you want the best of both world buy a Nikon D7000 (that is what i ended up with).